Archives

Christian singers…..celebrity pulpit

Christian singers.....celebrity pulpit

Speaking of Shackles off my feet….what in the world happened to America’s leading ladies in Christ Mary Mary?? To be completely honest I knew something was wrong when I used to be a club goer and The

God In Me echoed through the booming systems into the drunken hearts of the crowd….I believe (being a Christian at heart) I was one of the 2 or 3 people that sobered up quickly, fixed my attire, and eased into a corner to explain to my sober mind how I ended up in this worldly massacre myself.

Does anyone else see rage in the fact that they are now in the eyes of American Idols** – which according to God is not pleasing in His eyesight?? The once beautiful spirit and humble tone that poured from these women were once something I praised. Something I loved and admired from these black women.

What took the cake is when they performed at~ I guess an awards show (I don’t watch TV so excuse me if I get the actual premiere misstated) nonetheless, they perform with LL Cool J who comes out and asks if he can take the crowd to “church”….I mean really?

I don’t know about anyone else but it bothers me even when rappers play with God’s name in songs…it’s called mockery and I don’t think people truly understand that God isn’t just some homeboy you can go around joking with.

Anyway, I would love to know others opinions on Christian singers in a celebrity pulpit……

Does love get old….spoil…….expire?

Does love get old....spoil.,,,,,expire?

So today I must admit….I’m really feelin’ some kinda way….I am having a tough time explaining this thing called love and marriage….does it even exist to begin with or is it some illusion-ed fantasy that only happens in our minds….

I pass by couples on the street and I wonder – is this for show? When they get behind closed doors to they fight to a bloody pulp like Mr. & Mrs. Smith? LOL…I really wonder….

a little background….from the moment my husband and I laid eyes on each other there was an instant click…..not even a physical attraction…it was like more of an understanding of hearts…..from that moment we became close friends…he knew the emotional side of me…..a lot of people didn’t know that. Mainly because I vowed through past incidences that I wouldn’t allow anyone to get close enough to hurt me……

….2 years later…I married him….and it was the most exhilarating joy ride of my life! I mean, a husband that was my best friend – I didn’t even think it was possible…..and then….something happened…..1 year later and I’m fighting to find a reason to stay….have I begun to grow in my own way?….did we wear out our whirlwind love too soon?…..is our time up? is that it?……

every conversation turns into disaster…..every debate ends in the blame game…..so I decide to be quiet…..it makes him uneasy….so we talk…and then we argue….so he decides to be quiet…..and it makes me uneasy…so we talk….and then we argue…..

I pray and I feel good! I am actually not even upset….but even with all of the faith inside my soul….I can’t see me living like this for years to come…..I just want peace…..does that mean I have to live alone and focus on my spiritual growth? Maybe that should have come first before marriage…you think??!! and the kids too!…..We don’t have any together but I brought in 3 and him 4.

Is there some growing on both parts that maybe should be considered apart? Do you stick it out for the sake of your vow before God……

I hear about 10-20-30 year marriages and you couldn’t pay me to believe we wouldn’t accomplish this easily! it’s a horrible awakening when you spend every spoken moment over-thinking your statements as they may hinder you from having a beautiful day…..

This is my rant for the evening…..It’s time for me to pray and close my eyes….tomorrow I prepare to be awakened to the sounds of the work bell……and hope that this post is a horrible dream….

goodnight!

Life Lesson….I need help understanding my monster-in-law!!

Life Lesson....I need help understanding my monster-in-law!!

So I’ve been married to my husband for a year now….and I have not met his mom in person….I introduced myself to her via facebook before I proposed to him because I wanted to ask for her blessing (I thought that would be respectful) …I should have gotten the point when she didn’t respond….I didn’t know that her and her son did not really get along and there was alot of unsolved issues from his childhood.

Fast-forward …I have tried to continuously reach out to her so that I can try to mediate to find some median to the situation- I mean- of course I would like to meet his family and enjoy them as my own….but I know have to come to grips that this may never be….it hurts…but what can I do??

I sent her an email in full detail trying to fix the situation via facebook since she won’t return any of my calls…and this is the response I get…somebody please tell me if I am wrong???!!! at this time I told my husband that I don’t want to meet any of his family. I don’t want people to believe that I am befriending other relatives out of spite. I talk to his stepdad who is divorced from his mom and I love him…..he doesn’t get in the middle of he feud, but I am now forced to think about even speaking to him as well….I feel like if I step completely out of the situation there may be a small chance for peace with them all……help!!!!

On June 21, 2012 8:30:20 AM PDT, Erica AndJason Mobley wrote:

Good morning Ms. Tina,

First let me say that I hope that this message find you in good spirits. The reason for my contact today is that I have been made aware (not saying that it is true) that I have been thrown into unnecessary gossip and conversation regarding the issues surrounding you and Jason with your family. I am simply trying to exonerate my name from the foolishness.

Since I first met you via facebook and then ultimately speaking to you one time on the phone I have constantly asked you if there was any specific reason that you do not show particular interest in my….you have stated several times that you have no issues with me. I have never spoken to you with regards to any circumstances involving Jason and his many issues. I have never and will never disrespect you in light of 1.) you are Jason’s mom and 2.) you are my elder…..I have NEVER disrespected an elder in any manner….so please do not attempt to salt my name by saying so.

I have asked my husband repeatedly to contact you and try to make peace because I want nothing more than to see my husband and his mom (my mother-in-law) on good terms. My husband thinks I should mind my business but I try to make peace because I love my family and when I married him I took on his family as well. I carry YOUR last name……so I feel as much apart of the family as my husband is. I thought that is what marriage means.

I called you a couple of days ago and pleaded with you to give me a call back so that we can come together and surprise Jason on our visit with a family cookout to make peace with you, his brother, and so on…….you never returned my call- which I respect that because you do not know me from a can of paint!

Maybe you feel I should mind my business- but a Christian woman I stand to make things right….just the same – when Pam and Latorcia contacted me on facebook I put her right in touch with Jason and PAM asked ME to be the mediator because she did not want to talk to JD…and that is what I did. We had a very good conversation where she thanked me for being the woman I am and Latorcia text me almost everday….so I don’t know how that story got twisted either……..

It is a bunch of foolishness and trying to put all of your other family members in the middle is not making things better. I told JD the same….you both are adults….I got upset about the things he told Aryah…..that was completely unacceptable and childish!!! whether he was joking or not!

I love you, your family, and my step-daughter! My EGO is telling my that I shouldn’t even take this trip to Ohio next weekend because I may be forced to defend myself (by any means) considering the things that MY NAME has been involved in but I don’t mind….I will come there and speak my mind to whoever feels they need an answer from me……life is too short….everybody yelling God this and God that….but then in the same breath everyone is allowing the devil to control their thoughts and actions!!

You and Jason have the power and control to turn all of this nonsense around….I hope that you both sit down and confront your inner demons and lay them on the table…..I am praying for you both to seek God and find the strength to grow in faith and each other by settling your differences amongst each other and leave everyone else’s opinions out of it.

Our last text messages you were as nice to me as you were the day we first spoke on the phone…I don’t know if since then you feel I have done you wrong but let me say this- when you called Jason about Latorcia- I was sitting here when you called me trifling- I didn’t respond because that is not my thing- I am not a hoodrat and I don’t encourage yelling and making threats over the phone…I was more shocked as to why I was put into it….like I told Jason- I felt like you were upset and just said whatever at the time….that’s just how I am…I don’t care about things like that….when he has spoken to you on any other occasion I haven’t even been home….so I don’t know if you feel like I have been in the background talking reckless….sorry that is not in my character. If ever I have wanted to speak to you Ms. Tina I have called you directly.

No when I come there to support my husband I have to look over my shoulder and be prepared for whatever comes my way….all because my character has been tarnished before anyone has ever laid eyes on me. This is certainly not the perception I got from you in the one conversation and many texts/facebook messages that we have sent. I am hoping that there is no truth behind my name being thrown in the mud…but if it is….I am hoping it ends today. I am hoping that you and my husband are adult enough to end this foolishness. I told Jason already…I will not stand and ignite this madness…the world is chaotic, I’ve got my children (including those that are proven to be his) to raise and I don’t expect to expose them to family backstabbing family and fighting when in these times (the end times) we should be all standing together…..people have no idea what the devil has in store for this world…God is tired…..why be apart of the problem when we all can be apart of the solution.

We will be there next weekend. I hope to meet you, Arielle, BJ, Chrystal, Brett, Aunnie, Trey, etc….on good terms….like FAMILY! so when we bring Aryah back I can feel safe to bring my daughters as well…..to meet you all as well as the kids…..

God bless….if you want to speak with me directly I can be reached at (202) xxx-xxxx

On June 21, 2012 10:01:38 PM PDT, Tina XXXX XXXXX wrote:

Im not sure where you get off sending me messages like this! It’s very disrespectful!..God first of all is not involved in mess and confusion!..i’m not concerned about what’s going on in you nor Jason’s life its your business! He closed those doors when he said what he did about me to my granddaughter! It hurt her dearly…Defendi him if you must! But don’t threaten me by any means necessary, where do you get off saying that! Dont send me this mess anymore. What I need to say to you or your husband I can say face to face! Keep God out of this!

On June 21, 2012 10:03:51 PM PDT, Tina XXXX XXXXXy wrote:

Life!..He closed those doors! And then hurt my granddaughter by what he said!

On June 21, 2012 10:08:20 PM PDT, Tina XXXX XXXXX wrote:

By any means necessary you say… I take that as a threat! I don’t have time for this nonsense…dont send me this mess anymore! I am 50 years old not 15! Keep God out of this.

On June 22, 2012 3:53:04 AM PDT, Erica AndJason Mobley wrote:

How did you take my words offensive? Wow. I poured out my soul to you yes using God because he is the source of my strength. Trying to do what I can to mend this and the devil has allowed you to turn my words completely upside down. I will continue to pray for you. This is the last response I expected. I apologize for attempting to reach out to you. God is in everything, please remember that. Hopefully during your quiet time you pray for the hatred in your heart. Jason as well. I thought you would receive my words in love but I guess not. I will honor your request to never contact you again.

Flag on The Play!! (in relation to my deadbeat dads debate)

Flag on The Play!! (with relation to deadbeat dads)

Okay so in today’s frustrating news….my husband and I find out that not only has his ‘unofficial baby mama’ – in this case this is what I have no choice to call her…..has reached out to his mom and brother. Now this we don’t have a problem with. But now everyone seems to be taking ‘shots’ at him with lame parenting remarks ….yep…his own family has taken it ‘there’…..

What I am having a hard time understanding is how a woman from 13 years ago show up from hundreds of miles away and claim to have a child by your relative and you immediately take them in? Especially, when in fact he does have a daughter that resides in the same city as the mom and brother that no one takes the time to see about………kinda makes you wonder what the real issue is huh?……

Oh-No! but that’s not it!! I have been thrown in the loop as the trifling wife who is speaking for my husband….Lord, help me…..so I married my husband one year ago May 6, 2011. I have supported him and encouraged him to be the person God has intended him to be (without taking credit!) God placed someone who loves him unconditionally in his life to be his voice of reason…because with his temper and attitude before he met me…he may not have made it this far (but I’m trifling) – yikes!! (how does that happen…)

Anywhoo…yes…I do try to mediate certain circumstances because I can keep my cool in heated situations…this is what I do nowadays….I write…sometimes until the carpal tunnel sets in…….

So again, the woman sends me a text (because SHE decided it was best she talk to me) asking me if we paid for the DNA test….My response was yes, actually we went to the courthouse, filed for joint custody and requested a child support amount so that we can knock everything out in one shot…..no response…..

no…..effing….. response….

then 4 hours later have the daughter (13) who has been on facebook thanking uncle so-and-so and grandma (who don’t even see their biological niece/grand-daughter) talking about her ‘daddy’ don’t want to be apart of her life and thank God for her uncle and Grandma during her time of need!!! – Lord, give me strength….the uncle (my husband’s brother is responding like yeah my niece….blah blah blah -blah blah blah blah …….blah!

Really?! We both spoke to this child and the mom and said we didn’t want it to be detrimental to the child believing he is her dad and the test proves other wise….what the hell harm is there in that?!?!

The woman has admitted to my my husband and I that they indeed are not sure if he is the father….BUT- Oh wait!!! ….she isn’t telling anyone else that (of course)

…and guess what….because he is married….with a wife….who is his equal counterpart and is included in everything….as a husband/wife relationship should be…….NOBODY has called to hear my side, his side, or our side….however order they want to respect us……….

It is definitely confirmed in my book that even family can either consciously or subconsciously wish upon your downfall…..

Sometimes….I want to walk away….just to see if they would treat my husband just a little bit better…..maybe I am the cause of it all…..maybe if I didn’t care for my husband and his well being….he could move to where they are and get better advice from them……but then he reminds me…..that before me……he did live there….with them….and with others…..and he has never made sane and responsible decisions in situations where he was emotionally bound by the shackles of devastation….and it calms me…it lets me know that I am doing what God placed me in his life to do…….

Meanwhile…I guess we sit back….and wait for the flag to be thrown on the play……

either he is the father and we will proceed with getting to know his daughter and including her in our family…..OR……he is not the father and we will move on….more humble than we started this journey….

…either way…with no regrets of the past and no hatred for the passed judgement on our name….

…may God continue to allow me to shed tears and anger through my writing because I am a looooooooonnnnnggggg way from where I used to be….but I am learning that the devil will use any and everyone that he can to get to you and try to keep your focus off track…..

I have alot of insight into my in-laws and their ways of life….but I refuse to take shots out of revenge….I will continue to reach out to them for a truce (from whatever lies under the surface of their dislikes of me and/or my husband) and love them for who they are….

I understand that these are the people we need to love and pray for most…for the evil they put into the universe…..they don’t understand the seeds they sow……will build the deadliest bush around their doorstep….and before long….it will trap them inside….with the very evil they’ve fed over the years……

and now I can rest until the referee call……”FLAG ON THE PLAY!!”

MUCH LOVE,

DEFYNE

Spiritual Growth….easier said than done……

prayerwoman

Spiritual growth is not easy (in the beginning) a lot of sleepless nights, cold sweats and migraines. A lot of confronting your past mistakes and current flaws. Stripping your ego down to completely expose yourself and all your sinful ways. It is a journey (especially when the world around you is not ready – so they laugh, judge, ridicule you for choosing to grow beyond them….without them) Either your circle is very small or you are forced to feel alone. It’s not about religion…it’s not about church….for these things attached to your renewed spirit can make you greater……but they are NOTHING if your spirit is not in-tact……I was once told that faith without works is dead….but I also learned that activity is not always productivity……so I ask right back…..what is a bunch of works (in the church) without the spirit of Christ in everything you do? These are not rhetorical questions….I hope someone feels like speaking today :)….I’m trying to give you something to think about! What is giving thanks and praises when you can’t manage to sacrifice to do His will? That is like saying Thank you!….and then spitting on the person you just thanked…….(with a smile)….People will go out here and work,work,work,work,work…gotta pay these bills, gotta feed these kids, gotta get this outfit for my next event…..what about your eternal seat in heaven? My husband and I started a business that has made our living very, very comfortable in a short period of time…..but what is all of that working for….to pay a bill….to pay a car note?…meanwhile…the kids are getting older, we don’t even know their favorite colors, or shoes size….I mean sure we take them out for fun and dinner and shopping….but what does that do for them when they were given to us to enjoy our temporary assignment here on earth….and  when we don’t know when any of us will be called home (so there are no emotional memories left behind with those who matters most……… What are we sacrificing for our final reward…our eternal reward…and what really matters?…….time for a different strategy to live……..