Flag on The Play!! (in relation to my deadbeat dads debate)

Flag on The Play!! (with relation to deadbeat dads)

Okay so in today’s frustrating news….my husband and I find out that not only has his ‘unofficial baby mama’ – in this case this is what I have no choice to call her…..has reached out to his mom and brother. Now this we don’t have a problem with. But now everyone seems to be taking ‘shots’ at him with lame parenting remarks ….yep…his own family has taken it ‘there’…..

What I am having a hard time understanding is how a woman from 13 years ago show up from hundreds of miles away and claim to have a child by your relative and you immediately take them in? Especially, when in fact he does have a daughter that resides in the same city as the mom and brother that no one takes the time to see about………kinda makes you wonder what the real issue is huh?……

Oh-No! but that’s not it!! I have been thrown in the loop as the trifling wife who is speaking for my husband….Lord, help me…..so I married my husband one year ago May 6, 2011. I have supported him and encouraged him to be the person God has intended him to be (without taking credit!) God placed someone who loves him unconditionally in his life to be his voice of reason…because with his temper and attitude before he met me…he may not have made it this far (but I’m trifling) – yikes!! (how does that happen…)

Anywhoo…yes…I do try to mediate certain circumstances because I can keep my cool in heated situations…this is what I do nowadays….I write…sometimes until the carpal tunnel sets in…….

So again, the woman sends me a text (because SHE decided it was best she talk to me) asking me if we paid for the DNA test….My response was yes, actually we went to the courthouse, filed for joint custody and requested a child support amount so that we can knock everything out in one shot…..no response…..

no…..effing….. response….

then 4 hours later have the daughter (13) who has been on facebook thanking uncle so-and-so and grandma (who don’t even see their biological niece/grand-daughter) talking about her ‘daddy’ don’t want to be apart of her life and thank God for her uncle and Grandma during her time of need!!! – Lord, give me strength….the uncle (my husband’s brother is responding like yeah my niece….blah blah blah -blah blah blah blah …….blah!

Really?! We both spoke to this child and the mom and said we didn’t want it to be detrimental to the child believing he is her dad and the test proves other wise….what the hell harm is there in that?!?!

The woman has admitted to my my husband and I that they indeed are not sure if he is the father….BUT- Oh wait!!! ….she isn’t telling anyone else that (of course)

…and guess what….because he is married….with a wife….who is his equal counterpart and is included in everything….as a husband/wife relationship should be…….NOBODY has called to hear my side, his side, or our side….however order they want to respect us……….

It is definitely confirmed in my book that even family can either consciously or subconsciously wish upon your downfall…..

Sometimes….I want to walk away….just to see if they would treat my husband just a little bit better…..maybe I am the cause of it all…..maybe if I didn’t care for my husband and his well being….he could move to where they are and get better advice from them……but then he reminds me…..that before me……he did live there….with them….and with others…..and he has never made sane and responsible decisions in situations where he was emotionally bound by the shackles of devastation….and it calms me…it lets me know that I am doing what God placed me in his life to do…….

Meanwhile…I guess we sit back….and wait for the flag to be thrown on the play……

either he is the father and we will proceed with getting to know his daughter and including her in our family…..OR……he is not the father and we will move on….more humble than we started this journey….

…either way…with no regrets of the past and no hatred for the passed judgement on our name….

…may God continue to allow me to shed tears and anger through my writing because I am a looooooooonnnnnggggg way from where I used to be….but I am learning that the devil will use any and everyone that he can to get to you and try to keep your focus off track…..

I have alot of insight into my in-laws and their ways of life….but I refuse to take shots out of revenge….I will continue to reach out to them for a truce (from whatever lies under the surface of their dislikes of me and/or my husband) and love them for who they are….

I understand that these are the people we need to love and pray for most…for the evil they put into the universe…..they don’t understand the seeds they sow……will build the deadliest bush around their doorstep….and before long….it will trap them inside….with the very evil they’ve fed over the years……

and now I can rest until the referee call……”FLAG ON THE PLAY!!”

MUCH LOVE,

DEFYNE

Spiritual Growth….easier said than done……

prayerwoman

Spiritual growth is not easy (in the beginning) a lot of sleepless nights, cold sweats and migraines. A lot of confronting your past mistakes and current flaws. Stripping your ego down to completely expose yourself and all your sinful ways. It is a journey (especially when the world around you is not ready – so they laugh, judge, ridicule you for choosing to grow beyond them….without them) Either your circle is very small or you are forced to feel alone. It’s not about religion…it’s not about church….for these things attached to your renewed spirit can make you greater……but they are NOTHING if your spirit is not in-tact……I was once told that faith without works is dead….but I also learned that activity is not always productivity……so I ask right back…..what is a bunch of works (in the church) without the spirit of Christ in everything you do? These are not rhetorical questions….I hope someone feels like speaking today :)….I’m trying to give you something to think about! What is giving thanks and praises when you can’t manage to sacrifice to do His will? That is like saying Thank you!….and then spitting on the person you just thanked…….(with a smile)….People will go out here and work,work,work,work,work…gotta pay these bills, gotta feed these kids, gotta get this outfit for my next event…..what about your eternal seat in heaven? My husband and I started a business that has made our living very, very comfortable in a short period of time…..but what is all of that working for….to pay a bill….to pay a car note?…meanwhile…the kids are getting older, we don’t even know their favorite colors, or shoes size….I mean sure we take them out for fun and dinner and shopping….but what does that do for them when they were given to us to enjoy our temporary assignment here on earth….and  when we don’t know when any of us will be called home (so there are no emotional memories left behind with those who matters most……… What are we sacrificing for our final reward…our eternal reward…and what really matters?…….time for a different strategy to live……..

From a cockroach to a king…. my husband’s idea of humor lol & smh

From a cockroach to a king....(lol) my husband helped with this one!

Cockroach facts

:-0 Cockroaches, are the most common insect pests infesting homes

:~) Cockroaches prefer to live where there is food, warmth and
moisture.

*_* Unlike many household pests, cockroaches are prevalent
year-round, causing homeowners and businesses to eventually
seek some form of control.

😦 Cockroaches are replusive and objectionable to most people simply
by their presence

Now you may be thinking…what in the hell?!?! but yes, you are absolutely correct! I would be talking about my husband.

Many days we sit and reminiscence over the past and were we’ve come from…..so tonight as I am thinking of a clever blog to share my random thoughts he asks if I would talk about him…..going from a cockroach to a king…..we shared a hilarious laughter before my lightbulb went off……

As I think back over the stories of my husband’s past he was absolutely that of a cockroach…..he was a leech, a woman user, a pesky creature who would pass time eating, sleeping, and drinking until he wore out his welcome at many homes in different states.

It’s quite embarrassing for him, but we laugh at the trials he had to face before he would understand what God had in store for him—so we vow to remember these times…..

Anywhoo, so I met my husband in June (I believe) of 2009 at a club where I hosted parties. He and I instantly became friends but there was one issue….my new friend always wanted to hang out! He was very considerate, had a great personality, but his outer shell needed help! He never had any money and he was living from home to home and state to state…..after a short-lived romance/friendship he left from D.C. and moved to Florida….

when things didn’t work out so well we started to communicate more and more until he decided to give DC another shot. As he made his plans we were excited about the possibility of hooking up again but didn’t think it would go any further…..needless to say he moved here and I could see his games from a mile away….I was straight up this time because I had no intentions of playing games with him. He was sharing dinner with my children and staying over night at my house….don’t get me wrong…if I didn’t see any potential in his heart there is no way I would have subjected myself to his world of foolishness!

My husband constantly tells me that I am the only woman that has ever required him to be a man. The only woman that was not afraid to request what I was and was not going to tolerate from him (or any other man to be considered permanent in my life). He decided then that this challenge was worth all that I had been asking.

My husband went from a leech to a lover. He opens doors, he cooks, he cleans (that has always been his passion so I can’t take credit for that one!), he massages feet, runs baths, attends school functions, helps the girls with homework, he respects authority, he has confronted his life-long hurt and demons……

He is a proud father, husband, provider and friend. He is my business partner in owning our own cleaning business. He is my king. Molded by the hands of the Most High…..he is my king!

King: a male sovereign or monarch; a man who holds by life tenure

bad b*tch vs beautiful woman debate

bad b*tch vs beautiful woman debate

Here we are again with another one of my “I just don’t get it” rants.

I can remember a time when a working, brilliant, confident, humble woman would earn the stares and compliments of any man in a room. When the most beautiful attribute of a woman was humility and silence……back when I was about 5 or 6 yrs old, I would sit and watch my mom. How everything was “for grown-ups” so I was forced to go into another room for what seemed like every dang-on thing! When red was…”street walker clothes”…makeup was unheard of….and speaking to your children was never above a whisper….because they knew what the “look” meant…especially the front row in church when you’re talking during the preaching (lol) Mom’s led by example….and to mix children with grown-up situations was not even an option….

I remember when men held doors, pulled out chairs, held you at the base of the lower back to shelter you from imagined possible harm. I remember when men wanted to take their time in getting to know you…because it was just as important to get to know what you were about just as well as you getting to know him….when he had to be sure you were “the one” before he took you home to meet his momma.

Where has time gone? When did g-strings getting lost in botoxed booty become a new symbol of sexy? Why is a size 6 the “perfect” size. Why does a compliment consist of physical or material interest?….As I research different cultures and history it somehow intensifies my anger. How do you control a humbled heart when ignorance is at every corner, on every reality tv show (which is why I stopped watching 3 years ago)….

Can we reverse what “man” has turned into the ultimate humiliation of one’s race? Is it that we ALL have to feel accepted by which has been subliminally etched into our brains through media,news,tv,radio,etc…..

I’ve known men to father children by the very woman they now consider less attractive…the very woman that has the marks and scars of childbirth. The most unselfish, sacred, gift known to mankind….the gift of life…..as God gave to us all.

Since when did stripper poles and dildos signify an award to remarkable beauty….when attached to a nice cup size, a perfect booty, and can’t forget the 6inch heels……

I cry…for the sake of my daughters who will (in the next couple of years) will be someone’s eye-candy-not because she want to-but because she is naturally beautiful and naive to the dangers of this world……I cry for my only son who already has this perception of a fat ass and perfect breasts being the basis of his bad b*tch argument (based on that which he has been accustomed to)…Although, I live to be a model of what a beautiful woman is and should be…..society has and continues to push those few of us ‘sane’ people left into a corner of non-existence.

I hope this reaches the next person….be it grandfather, father, son, brother, etc…..to rethink what you would consider beautiful …beautiful in the light in which God intended His daughters to be…….respect those women that don’t necessarily demand respect. Make a difference by changing your views. Changing your thoughts will ultimately change your life…..changing your life will begin a paradigm affect in the lives of others…….

That which you put into the universe will always find its way home…sitting on your own doorstep…..

Much love,

Defyne

Deadbeat debate…….dads vs. moms

Deadbeat debate.......dads vs. moms

Okay, so I guess current personal circumstances has me feeling some kinda way.

According to Webster’s dictionary a victim is one who is tricked, swindled or taken advantage of.

Maybe, it’s just me, but I have always been the type who owns up to my participation in a decision gone wrong. It’s upsetting to me how our men are torn down for not living up to their full parental potential- because so many men that would at least try are thrown under the bus before he has a chance to make a proper decision on his own.

A lot of times I sit back and I listen to women gripe about the $$$$$, and in other instances I hear they get child support…”BUT I AIN’T LETTING MY CHILD GO OVER THERE!!”….and somewhere, somebody is calling him a dead beat dad!

Something has got to give, mom’s are taking full advantage of a society and government that is allowing them to cry VICTIM!

So before I continue my rant, I ask??

1.) Doesn’t making the conscious decision to lay up with someone that you barely know, or know to be unstable make you just as unfit as the person you laid with?

2.) Doesn’t  abortions make you unfit in a situation whereby you ALSO created life and refused to own up to your parental responsibility?

3.) Doesn’t dangling a child to get what you want on your terms consider you an unfit parent?

4.) Doesn’t only answering the phone when you feel you want to be contacted consider you unfit?

5.) If all you want out of the father of your child is money, but no concern for the physical aspect of parenting…doesn’t that make you down right inexcusably trifling?

Here is the kicker!

So my husband has two woman pouring false claim of him being a deadbeat dad. We have decided to a.) file for a paternity test b.) OFFER to pay child support and c.) ask for joint custody rights.

When proposed to one of the moms ( who has repeatedly said his daughter cannot come here to visit us)- burst into tears upset and doesn’t want us to go through with it. The other mom (who just appeared a month ago after a 13yr disappearance) said that she doesn’t want it to go through the courts either……

Now….what kind of games are we playing here?? Guess what, my husband is fighting back! We ARE going through the courts and we are going to pursue ALL rights to  the parenthood that we are claimed to be running from.

I hope this post encourage our father’s to STAND UP and unsalt your name by fighting for your own rights! If enough of you get tired of being tired your voices will be heard and you no longer have to play the “moms” game to have peace of mind or hold on to a little sanity…..

You’ve got our blessing!!!

Much Love,

~Defyne~

9/11 Is still on my heart…..

God bless those whose lives have been forgotten. Whose families has been silenced to fight for their loved ones. The pain and the sorrow in the hearts of unanswered melodies drifting in the wind……..God bless you all. The Most High has opened the gates of his throne to welcome home His children. You all are forever in my prayers!

Sincerely,

~Defyne~

Summer Fling….is that the new ‘thing’?

Summer Fling....is that the new 'thing'?

Again, in my frustration as I thumb through the pages of the June issue of Cosmo…I can’t begin to fathom how and why there would be a poll as to where to find your next “jump-off”!

(Not to mention on the prior page it reads that 92% of men agreed that it is sexy for a woman to wear a mini-skirt on a first date)

This goes to show that not only do today’s generation NOT respect themselves but they are okay with how they are being perceived.

To print an article of where to meet the next hot guy to jump in the sheets with….there is not even in fine print a disclaimer of the following statistics:

~ More than 34 million people now live with HIV/AIDS.
~ 3.4 million of them are under the age of 15.
~ In 2010, an estimated 2.7 million people were newly infected with HIV.
~ 390,000 were under the age of 15.
~ Every day more than 7,000 people contract HIV—nearly 300 every
hour.
~ In 2010, 1.8 million people died from AIDS.
~250,000 of them were under the age of 15.
~Since the beginning of the epidemic, more than 60 million people
have contracted HIV and nearly 30 million have died of HIV-related
causes.

Or how about

~Chlamydia

In 2010, a total of 1,307,893 cases of sexually transmitted Chlamydia trachomatis infection were reported to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)

…I WILL LET YOU RESEARCH THE REST ON YOUR OWN…..DO YOUR HOMEWORK……

Happy Summer Flinging!!!

Much Love,

~Defyne~