Tag Archive | diary

Christian singers…..celebrity pulpit

Christian singers.....celebrity pulpit

Speaking of Shackles off my feet….what in the world happened to America’s leading ladies in Christ Mary Mary?? To be completely honest I knew something was wrong when I used to be a club goer and The

God In Me echoed through the booming systems into the drunken hearts of the crowd….I believe (being a Christian at heart) I was one of the 2 or 3 people that sobered up quickly, fixed my attire, and eased into a corner to explain to my sober mind how I ended up in this worldly massacre myself.

Does anyone else see rage in the fact that they are now in the eyes of American Idols** – which according to God is not pleasing in His eyesight?? The once beautiful spirit and humble tone that poured from these women were once something I praised. Something I loved and admired from these black women.

What took the cake is when they performed at~ I guess an awards show (I don’t watch TV so excuse me if I get the actual premiere misstated) nonetheless, they perform with LL Cool J who comes out and asks if he can take the crowd to “church”….I mean really?

I don’t know about anyone else but it bothers me even when rappers play with God’s name in songs…it’s called mockery and I don’t think people truly understand that God isn’t just some homeboy you can go around joking with.

Anyway, I would love to know others opinions on Christian singers in a celebrity pulpit……

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Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance!!!!

Okay, so in light of the media crazed Adidas “shackle” shoe (which is a bit hilarious to me) …I’ve heard some pretty funny debates…..my favorite is that black people wear “cotton” t-shirts LMBO!!!

I don’t believe it was insensitive at all…..I believe that it was a slaves of fashion kinda concept if you ask me!

They are ridiculously ridiculous to me just for the fact that they are……ridiculous…but hell so are skinny jeans on men…which has snatched and raped the black communities senseless and nobody is complaining about that foolishness……

Don’t get me wrong I am a proud African-American woman…but my race is a damn embarrassment at times…like seriously…y’all want to protest a damn sneaker when there is soooooo many other political and social warfares that we could be protesting about!!!

For instance, why in the hell haven’t anyone protested Love & Hip Hop or any other movies, tv shows, clothing lines that portray us to be ignorant, loud, boisterous, and rude! Why not protest red, orange and green weave?

C’mon y’all…..this argument is null and void in my book….I have always been a huge fan of Adidas and I will continue to support their product!

Does love get old….spoil…….expire?

Does love get old....spoil.,,,,,expire?

So today I must admit….I’m really feelin’ some kinda way….I am having a tough time explaining this thing called love and marriage….does it even exist to begin with or is it some illusion-ed fantasy that only happens in our minds….

I pass by couples on the street and I wonder – is this for show? When they get behind closed doors to they fight to a bloody pulp like Mr. & Mrs. Smith? LOL…I really wonder….

a little background….from the moment my husband and I laid eyes on each other there was an instant click…..not even a physical attraction…it was like more of an understanding of hearts…..from that moment we became close friends…he knew the emotional side of me…..a lot of people didn’t know that. Mainly because I vowed through past incidences that I wouldn’t allow anyone to get close enough to hurt me……

….2 years later…I married him….and it was the most exhilarating joy ride of my life! I mean, a husband that was my best friend – I didn’t even think it was possible…..and then….something happened…..1 year later and I’m fighting to find a reason to stay….have I begun to grow in my own way?….did we wear out our whirlwind love too soon?…..is our time up? is that it?……

every conversation turns into disaster…..every debate ends in the blame game…..so I decide to be quiet…..it makes him uneasy….so we talk…and then we argue….so he decides to be quiet…..and it makes me uneasy…so we talk….and then we argue…..

I pray and I feel good! I am actually not even upset….but even with all of the faith inside my soul….I can’t see me living like this for years to come…..I just want peace…..does that mean I have to live alone and focus on my spiritual growth? Maybe that should have come first before marriage…you think??!! and the kids too!…..We don’t have any together but I brought in 3 and him 4.

Is there some growing on both parts that maybe should be considered apart? Do you stick it out for the sake of your vow before God……

I hear about 10-20-30 year marriages and you couldn’t pay me to believe we wouldn’t accomplish this easily! it’s a horrible awakening when you spend every spoken moment over-thinking your statements as they may hinder you from having a beautiful day…..

This is my rant for the evening…..It’s time for me to pray and close my eyes….tomorrow I prepare to be awakened to the sounds of the work bell……and hope that this post is a horrible dream….

goodnight!

Flag on The Play!! (in relation to my deadbeat dads debate)

Flag on The Play!! (with relation to deadbeat dads)

Okay so in today’s frustrating news….my husband and I find out that not only has his ‘unofficial baby mama’ – in this case this is what I have no choice to call her…..has reached out to his mom and brother. Now this we don’t have a problem with. But now everyone seems to be taking ‘shots’ at him with lame parenting remarks ….yep…his own family has taken it ‘there’…..

What I am having a hard time understanding is how a woman from 13 years ago show up from hundreds of miles away and claim to have a child by your relative and you immediately take them in? Especially, when in fact he does have a daughter that resides in the same city as the mom and brother that no one takes the time to see about………kinda makes you wonder what the real issue is huh?……

Oh-No! but that’s not it!! I have been thrown in the loop as the trifling wife who is speaking for my husband….Lord, help me…..so I married my husband one year ago May 6, 2011. I have supported him and encouraged him to be the person God has intended him to be (without taking credit!) God placed someone who loves him unconditionally in his life to be his voice of reason…because with his temper and attitude before he met me…he may not have made it this far (but I’m trifling) – yikes!! (how does that happen…)

Anywhoo…yes…I do try to mediate certain circumstances because I can keep my cool in heated situations…this is what I do nowadays….I write…sometimes until the carpal tunnel sets in…….

So again, the woman sends me a text (because SHE decided it was best she talk to me) asking me if we paid for the DNA test….My response was yes, actually we went to the courthouse, filed for joint custody and requested a child support amount so that we can knock everything out in one shot…..no response…..

no…..effing….. response….

then 4 hours later have the daughter (13) who has been on facebook thanking uncle so-and-so and grandma (who don’t even see their biological niece/grand-daughter) talking about her ‘daddy’ don’t want to be apart of her life and thank God for her uncle and Grandma during her time of need!!! – Lord, give me strength….the uncle (my husband’s brother is responding like yeah my niece….blah blah blah -blah blah blah blah …….blah!

Really?! We both spoke to this child and the mom and said we didn’t want it to be detrimental to the child believing he is her dad and the test proves other wise….what the hell harm is there in that?!?!

The woman has admitted to my my husband and I that they indeed are not sure if he is the father….BUT- Oh wait!!! ….she isn’t telling anyone else that (of course)

…and guess what….because he is married….with a wife….who is his equal counterpart and is included in everything….as a husband/wife relationship should be…….NOBODY has called to hear my side, his side, or our side….however order they want to respect us……….

It is definitely confirmed in my book that even family can either consciously or subconsciously wish upon your downfall…..

Sometimes….I want to walk away….just to see if they would treat my husband just a little bit better…..maybe I am the cause of it all…..maybe if I didn’t care for my husband and his well being….he could move to where they are and get better advice from them……but then he reminds me…..that before me……he did live there….with them….and with others…..and he has never made sane and responsible decisions in situations where he was emotionally bound by the shackles of devastation….and it calms me…it lets me know that I am doing what God placed me in his life to do…….

Meanwhile…I guess we sit back….and wait for the flag to be thrown on the play……

either he is the father and we will proceed with getting to know his daughter and including her in our family…..OR……he is not the father and we will move on….more humble than we started this journey….

…either way…with no regrets of the past and no hatred for the passed judgement on our name….

…may God continue to allow me to shed tears and anger through my writing because I am a looooooooonnnnnggggg way from where I used to be….but I am learning that the devil will use any and everyone that he can to get to you and try to keep your focus off track…..

I have alot of insight into my in-laws and their ways of life….but I refuse to take shots out of revenge….I will continue to reach out to them for a truce (from whatever lies under the surface of their dislikes of me and/or my husband) and love them for who they are….

I understand that these are the people we need to love and pray for most…for the evil they put into the universe…..they don’t understand the seeds they sow……will build the deadliest bush around their doorstep….and before long….it will trap them inside….with the very evil they’ve fed over the years……

and now I can rest until the referee call……”FLAG ON THE PLAY!!”

MUCH LOVE,

DEFYNE

bad b*tch vs beautiful woman debate

bad b*tch vs beautiful woman debate

Here we are again with another one of my “I just don’t get it” rants.

I can remember a time when a working, brilliant, confident, humble woman would earn the stares and compliments of any man in a room. When the most beautiful attribute of a woman was humility and silence……back when I was about 5 or 6 yrs old, I would sit and watch my mom. How everything was “for grown-ups” so I was forced to go into another room for what seemed like every dang-on thing! When red was…”street walker clothes”…makeup was unheard of….and speaking to your children was never above a whisper….because they knew what the “look” meant…especially the front row in church when you’re talking during the preaching (lol) Mom’s led by example….and to mix children with grown-up situations was not even an option….

I remember when men held doors, pulled out chairs, held you at the base of the lower back to shelter you from imagined possible harm. I remember when men wanted to take their time in getting to know you…because it was just as important to get to know what you were about just as well as you getting to know him….when he had to be sure you were “the one” before he took you home to meet his momma.

Where has time gone? When did g-strings getting lost in botoxed booty become a new symbol of sexy? Why is a size 6 the “perfect” size. Why does a compliment consist of physical or material interest?….As I research different cultures and history it somehow intensifies my anger. How do you control a humbled heart when ignorance is at every corner, on every reality tv show (which is why I stopped watching 3 years ago)….

Can we reverse what “man” has turned into the ultimate humiliation of one’s race? Is it that we ALL have to feel accepted by which has been subliminally etched into our brains through media,news,tv,radio,etc…..

I’ve known men to father children by the very woman they now consider less attractive…the very woman that has the marks and scars of childbirth. The most unselfish, sacred, gift known to mankind….the gift of life…..as God gave to us all.

Since when did stripper poles and dildos signify an award to remarkable beauty….when attached to a nice cup size, a perfect booty, and can’t forget the 6inch heels……

I cry…for the sake of my daughters who will (in the next couple of years) will be someone’s eye-candy-not because she want to-but because she is naturally beautiful and naive to the dangers of this world……I cry for my only son who already has this perception of a fat ass and perfect breasts being the basis of his bad b*tch argument (based on that which he has been accustomed to)…Although, I live to be a model of what a beautiful woman is and should be…..society has and continues to push those few of us ‘sane’ people left into a corner of non-existence.

I hope this reaches the next person….be it grandfather, father, son, brother, etc…..to rethink what you would consider beautiful …beautiful in the light in which God intended His daughters to be…….respect those women that don’t necessarily demand respect. Make a difference by changing your views. Changing your thoughts will ultimately change your life…..changing your life will begin a paradigm affect in the lives of others…….

That which you put into the universe will always find its way home…sitting on your own doorstep…..

Much love,

Defyne

Deadbeat debate…….dads vs. moms

Deadbeat debate.......dads vs. moms

Okay, so I guess current personal circumstances has me feeling some kinda way.

According to Webster’s dictionary a victim is one who is tricked, swindled or taken advantage of.

Maybe, it’s just me, but I have always been the type who owns up to my participation in a decision gone wrong. It’s upsetting to me how our men are torn down for not living up to their full parental potential- because so many men that would at least try are thrown under the bus before he has a chance to make a proper decision on his own.

A lot of times I sit back and I listen to women gripe about the $$$$$, and in other instances I hear they get child support…”BUT I AIN’T LETTING MY CHILD GO OVER THERE!!”….and somewhere, somebody is calling him a dead beat dad!

Something has got to give, mom’s are taking full advantage of a society and government that is allowing them to cry VICTIM!

So before I continue my rant, I ask??

1.) Doesn’t making the conscious decision to lay up with someone that you barely know, or know to be unstable make you just as unfit as the person you laid with?

2.) Doesn’t  abortions make you unfit in a situation whereby you ALSO created life and refused to own up to your parental responsibility?

3.) Doesn’t dangling a child to get what you want on your terms consider you an unfit parent?

4.) Doesn’t only answering the phone when you feel you want to be contacted consider you unfit?

5.) If all you want out of the father of your child is money, but no concern for the physical aspect of parenting…doesn’t that make you down right inexcusably trifling?

Here is the kicker!

So my husband has two woman pouring false claim of him being a deadbeat dad. We have decided to a.) file for a paternity test b.) OFFER to pay child support and c.) ask for joint custody rights.

When proposed to one of the moms ( who has repeatedly said his daughter cannot come here to visit us)- burst into tears upset and doesn’t want us to go through with it. The other mom (who just appeared a month ago after a 13yr disappearance) said that she doesn’t want it to go through the courts either……

Now….what kind of games are we playing here?? Guess what, my husband is fighting back! We ARE going through the courts and we are going to pursue ALL rights to  the parenthood that we are claimed to be running from.

I hope this post encourage our father’s to STAND UP and unsalt your name by fighting for your own rights! If enough of you get tired of being tired your voices will be heard and you no longer have to play the “moms” game to have peace of mind or hold on to a little sanity…..

You’ve got our blessing!!!

Much Love,

~Defyne~