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So today I must admit….I’m really feelin’ some kinda way….I am having a tough time explaining this thing called love and marriage….does it even exist to begin with or is it some illusion-ed fantasy that only happens in our minds….
I pass by couples on the street and I wonder – is this for show? When they get behind closed doors to they fight to a bloody pulp like Mr. & Mrs. Smith? LOL…I really wonder….
a little background….from the moment my husband and I laid eyes on each other there was an instant click…..not even a physical attraction…it was like more of an understanding of hearts…..from that moment we became close friends…he knew the emotional side of me…..a lot of people didn’t know that. Mainly because I vowed through past incidences that I wouldn’t allow anyone to get close enough to hurt me……
….2 years later…I married him….and it was the most exhilarating joy ride of my life! I mean, a husband that was my best friend – I didn’t even think it was possible…..and then….something happened…..1 year later and I’m fighting to find a reason to stay….have I begun to grow in my own way?….did we wear out our whirlwind love too soon?…..is our time up? is that it?……
every conversation turns into disaster…..every debate ends in the blame game…..so I decide to be quiet…..it makes him uneasy….so we talk…and then we argue….so he decides to be quiet…..and it makes me uneasy…so we talk….and then we argue…..
I pray and I feel good! I am actually not even upset….but even with all of the faith inside my soul….I can’t see me living like this for years to come…..I just want peace…..does that mean I have to live alone and focus on my spiritual growth? Maybe that should have come first before marriage…you think??!! and the kids too!…..We don’t have any together but I brought in 3 and him 4.
Is there some growing on both parts that maybe should be considered apart? Do you stick it out for the sake of your vow before God……
I hear about 10-20-30 year marriages and you couldn’t pay me to believe we wouldn’t accomplish this easily! it’s a horrible awakening when you spend every spoken moment over-thinking your statements as they may hinder you from having a beautiful day…..
This is my rant for the evening…..It’s time for me to pray and close my eyes….tomorrow I prepare to be awakened to the sounds of the work bell……and hope that this post is a horrible dream….
So, today I decided to blog uncut and unscripted footage of a typical day with my angels. Literally one minute before I began taping I told my 9 year old daughter that she could interview me with whatever she wanted to talk about.
I am caught off guard at the paparazzi-style questions from my own daughter but as promised I answer them honestly and uploaded to share with you all.
The beauty in parenting is knowing that your raising and teaching is not in vain. I am quite impressed with my daughters interview and I hope that you all get a kick out of this video